Top 50 Funniest Quotes from George Burns and Gracie Allen
“When you’re in love, you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
“The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.”
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.”
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”
“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”
“I wish I could talk as well as I paint. I’m much better at painting.”
“Gracie, those pearls of yours are so big! How do you keep them up?”
“Gracie, how do you feel about women’s suffrage?”
“Oh, I think all wives should have one.”
“Gracie, do you believe in clubs for women?”
“Only when kindness fails.”
“Gracie, how do you spell Mississippi?”
“The way it sounds.”
“I suppose you’d better use a knife.”
“Gracie, what do you think of my new suit?”
“It’s nice. But when you sit down, won’t it wrinkle your pants?”
“Gracie, do you know what to do if someone gives you a bad check?”
“Of course! Put it in the bank and pray!”
“It doesn’t fit on the other one.”
“Gracie, what’s the secret to a happy marriage?”
“Gracie, why don’t you ever let me drive the car?”
“Because I don’t want you to go places where you could meet other women.”
“Gracie, why do you always wear high heels?”
“So I can be taller than you when I’m sitting down.”
“Gracie, why did you bring your purse to the bathroom?”
“In case I need to buy something.”
“Gracie, why are you wearing your nightgown to dinner?”
“So I won’t get anything on my dress.”
“Gracie, how do you manage to stay so young?”
“Easy, I lie about my age.”
“Because that’s where I keep my head.”
“Gracie, why do you have a hole in your stocking?”
“It’s a new style. They call it ‘ventilation’.”
“So the dust won’t get in my eyes while I’m sleeping.”
“Gracie, why do you wear gloves when you cook?”
“To keep my hands warm when I’m washing the dishes.”
“Gracie, why do you put your shoes in the refrigerator?”
“Gracie, why do you always carry an umbrella when it’s sunny?”
“In case it starts raining money.”
“To reach for the stars, of course!”
“Gracie, why do you always wear sunglasses indoors?”
“To keep an eye on the sun.”
“Gracie, why do you have a map of the world in the kitchen?”
“To know where to put the spices.”
“Gracie, why do you have a clock in the bathroom?”
“In case I need an emergency egg.”
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Who is George Burns and Gracie Allen ?
George Burns and Gracie Allen were a legendary comedy duo who entertained audiences for decades with their vaudeville, radio, television, and film performances.George Burns, born Nathan Birnbaum, was an American comedian, actor, and writer, known for his dry wit and cigar-smoking persona. He was born on January 20, 1896, and passed away on March 9, 1996.
Gracie Allen, born Grace Ethel Cecile Rosalie Allen, was an American comedian and actress, celebrated for her ditsy yet endearing persona and impeccable comedic timing. She was born on July 26, 1895, and sadly passed away on August 27, 1964.
Together, George Burns and Gracie Allen formed one of the most beloved comedy duos in entertainment history, known for their charming interactions, playful banter, and hilarious misunderstandings. They starred in numerous radio shows, television series, and films, leaving behind a rich legacy of laughter that continues to entertain audiences to this day.
