Top 10 George Carlin Quotes
“Don’t just teach your children to read, teach them to question what they read.”
“There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large.”
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
“The status quo sucks.”
“The future will soon be a thing of the past.”
“I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.”
“I’m always amazed when I hear people saying, ‘I want to go to heaven.’ In my opinion, you’re in heaven right now. This is it.”
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”
George Carlin Quotes On Death
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
“Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning.”
“Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners.”
“When you’re in the hospital, they treat you like a number. They take the blood pressure, and they don’t even tell you the numbers.”
“I’m not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel you can have it all at the same time.”
“I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid of not living long enough to see the end of the ‘The Tonight Show.'”
“I don’t believe in the afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”
“Life is a series of dogs.”
George Carlin Quotes On Humanity
“The human condition is all messed up.”
“Think off-center. Sometimes, it’s the only way to make sense of what’s going on.”
“I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.”
“You know, the longer you live in this world, the more you realize that people really don’t give a shit about what you feel or think.”
“Religion’s in your soul when you wake up in the morning and say, ‘Oh God, don’t let me fuck up today. Lead me in Your will, Lord.'”
“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”
“The bigger they come, the harder they fall. And the better the world likes it.”
“Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: ‘We Are the Proud Parents of a Child Whose Self-Esteem Is Sufficiently High That Even the Critics Join in the Consensus That He’s One Terrific Kid.'”
“People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people.”
“We’re so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody’s going to save something now. ‘Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.’ And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding themselves? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet.”
George Carlin Quotes Government
“I’m not into conspiracy theories; I’m into probabilities. And the probability is that JFK was assassinated by the same people who tried to get Reagan.”
“Government doesn’t work. It’s not capable of doing its job. It’s only capable of sustaining itself.” “A lot of these politicians are bullshitters. They’re really good at it.”
“In America, they call it the ‘Department of Defense.’ Yeah, right. The Department of Defense. Well, if there’s one thing we know, it’s that the government never lies. Never. Lies. So, next time they tell you they’re defending freedom, just remind them that you’re not that easily fooled.”
“The real terrorists are the assholes who tell us we have to give up our freedoms so that they can protect us.”
“If the government can’t balance a budget, how the hell can it balance the power?”
“The government doesn’t want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. That is against its interests.”
“The real reason for the Second Amendment is to protect us from the politicians.”
“I don’t believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero.”
“The less you know, the more you believe.”
“They have granted themselves extraordinary powers to intrude into our lives, often with little or no oversight or accountability.”
“When it comes to rights, the government gives and the government takes away. They pretend to grant you rights as if they were privileges, and they can revoke them whenever it suits their interests.”
“The owners of this country know the truth: it’s called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
“Governments are controlled by those who hold economic and corporate power, making true democracy elusive.”
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