Jack Benny quotes: A Collection of His Wittiest Quotes
Jack Benny quotes
“Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.”
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
“You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
“I don’t care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong.”
“If you fall, I’ll be there.”
“If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
“I am always satisfied with the best.”
“I’m not sure if I’m a procrastinator or just really good at doing nothing.”
“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”
“I don’t like to brag, but I’ve been practicing for 75 years.”
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.”
“There’s only one justification for having small children around, and that’s to remind you of how awful the world is.”
“I’d like to thank my parents for making this night possible… and my children for making it necessary.”
“I don’t care what the critics say; I’m going to go on being the best I can be.”
“I’m not against half-naked girls, not as often as I’d like to be.”
“I don’t want to be a millionaire; I just want to live like one.”
“I’d like to thank my parents for making this night possible… and my children for making it necessary.”
“I’m so full of love and affection that I don’t think I can stand it anymore.”
“So I’m drinking more. Why? Maybe it’s the times. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’ll blame it on the times, but I’m not going to blame it on me.”
“So, I’m going to join Alcoholics Anonymous. I know I drink a lot, but I’m going to drink a lot more if I join.”
“The most important thing in life is to stop saying ‘I wish’ and start saying ‘I will.'”
“The only time I’d ever see myself hitting a woman is if she attacked me with a knife or a club… and then I’d try to deflect the blow.”
“The secret to eternal youth is arrested development.”
“The trouble with women is that they’re always on guard against temptation. I don’t know why. After all, ‘resist’ is in their name.”
“There’s only one justification for having small children around, and that’s to remind you of how awful the world is.”
“They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance?”
“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.”
“To be 70 years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be 40 years old.”
“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.”
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Who is Jack Benny ?
Benny began his career in vaudeville before transitioning to radio in the 1930s with “The Jack Benny Program,” one of the most successful radio shows in history. The show ran for over 20 years and solidified Benny’s status as a comedic icon. His radio show introduced numerous recurring characters and catchphrases that became ingrained in popular culture.
In addition to his radio success, Jack Benny ventured into television, where “The Jack Benny Program” continued to entertain audiences from 1950 to 1965. The show’s format often broke the fourth wall, with Benny playing a fictionalized version of himself dealing with various comedic situations, often involving his cheapskate persona and interactions with his ensemble cast.
Benny’s contributions to comedy were recognized with numerous awards, including a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and multiple Emmy Awards. His influence on comedy can still be felt today, with many comedians citing him as an inspiration and his work continuing to entertain audiences through various mediums.
