Steven Wright Quotes
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Steven Wright Quotes
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
“I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.”
“I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.”
“I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.”
“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”
“I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.”
“I once played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts.”
“Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?”
“I’m not sure what the speed of lightning is, but the speed of light, that’s pretty fast.”
Steven Wright Jokes And Quotes
“I got a fax from my toaster. It said, ‘Put in bread.'”
“I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.”
“I saw a sign at a restaurant that said ‘Breakfast Anytime.’ So, I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”
“I have an answering machine in my car. It says, ‘I’m home now. But leave a message and I’ll call when I’m out.”
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
“I got a dog and named him ‘Stay.’ Now, I go ‘Come here, Stay!’ After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn’t move at all.”
“I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.”
“I used to be a bartender at the Betty Ford Clinic.”
“I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.”
“I’m so broke, I can’t even afford my own attention.”
“I have a map of the United States… Actual size. It says, ‘Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.'”
“I took a lie detector test. No I didn’t.”
“I got a parking ticket the other day… for parking on a Sunday. How dare I?”
“I bought a decaffeinated coffee table. You can’t even see a difference.”
“I got a keychain for my lockers. It’s a lockpick.”
“I got a dog to watch my house, but it keeps getting up on the couch. It’s a Watchdog.”
“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”
“I’m writing a book. I have the page numbers done.”
“I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn’t grow shit.”
“I got a Polaroid camera. I went to the store and asked if I could see what it looks like.”
“I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused.”
“I spilled all my spices. Now the steaks are high.”
“I’m so old, they’ve canceled my blood type.”
“I saw a sign that said, ‘Watch for Children.’ I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.'”
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Who was Steven Wright ?
He gained widespread recognition in the 1980s and won an Academy Award for Best Live Action Short Film for his 1988 short film “The Appointments of Dennis Jennings.” Steven Wright has made numerous appearances on late-night talk shows, comedy specials, and has acted in both film and television.
Wright’s unique brand of comedy has made him a respected and influential figure in the world of stand-up comedy. His delivery and style continue to be celebrated for their originality and thought-provoking humor
