Quotes
Dark humor jokes that are twisted but oh-so funny
Twisted humor with a sharp American edge—this video brings you some of the most wickedly funny quotes ever spoken. From aging with attitude to laughing at life’s darker corners, these quotes will make you chuckle, sigh, and maybe even see the humor in your own wrinkles. Perfect for anyone over 60 who knows life isn’t always pretty—but it’s still hilarious.
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Video Dark humor jokes that are twisted but oh-so funny
Dark humor jokes that are twisted but oh-so funny
- “Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.'”
- “What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter. He’s not coming either way.”
- “They say three out of five people suffer from a chronic disease. Does that mean two of them enjoy it?”
- “I don’t really like camping. Then again, I don’t enjoy anything in tents.”
- “I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But then I turned myself around.”
- “Did you hear about the elderly man who fell into a well? Apparently, he couldn’t see that well.”
- “Did you hear about the octopus that held up a bank? It was an armed robbery.”
- “George Washington never got a good night’s sleep. Apparently, he had a problem lying.”
- “How many feet are there in a yard? It depends on how many people are standing there.”
- “I once thought about studying sodium. Then I thought, ‘Na.'”
- “What do you call someone who loves Mondays? Retired.”
- “Harry Potter was driving down the street. Then he turned into a driveway.”
- “Did you hear about the paint boat that sank? All the sailors were marooned.”
- “Why did the statue leave her husband? She was tired of being taken for granite.”
- “Did you hear about the two golf courses that fell in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship.”
- “Why did the zombies get divorced? Their marriage was dead.”
- “Why did the lion go to therapy? He found out his wife was a cheetah.”
- “Why shouldn’t you marry hardware engineers? They have floppy disks.”
- “My wife is mad that I ruined our anniversary. I’m not sure how; I didn’t even know it was today.”
- “How are marriages like algebra? Because when you look at your X, you can’t help but wonder Y.”
- “My husband told me to do whatever makes me happy. I’m going to miss him.”
- “Why did the invisible man leave his wife? He didn’t feel seen.”
- “Where did couples go for fun in medieval times? Knight clubs.”
- “I told my therapist that my wife and I have no chemistry. He didn’t have a reaction.”
- “Why did the turkey leave her husband? She suspected fowl play.”
If any of those twisted little gems made you laugh—or think—why not share it with a friend who gets your sense of humor? And hey, don’t forget to hit that like button and subscribe for more sharp, clever quotes like these.
Because some truths are just better said with a smirk.
