The Funniest Quotes About Life’s Absurdities
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” – Unknown
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
“Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” – John Wayne
“I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” – Ann Landers
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” – Charles Bukowski
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just falling with style.” – Unknown
“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s all delicious… until you get the coconut one.” – Unknown
“I’m not sure if I’m a good example for my kids, but I’m an excellent warning.” – Unknown
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right… again.” – Unknown
“Life is too short to be taken seriously. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change.” – Unknown
“The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.” – Unknown
“I’m not aging, I’m just becoming a classic.” – Unknown
“Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving… and occasionally dodge potholes.” – Unknown
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