25 The Funniest Quotes About Parenting Mistakes (We’ve All Made Them!)
1. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
2. “Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.” – Jim Gaffigan
3. “The only thing kids wear out faster than shoes is parents.” – John J. Plomp
4. “I thought I’d have more control over my body after pregnancy. But my kids are still pushing my buttons.” – Anonymous
5. “There are two types of tired, I suppose. One is a dire need of sleep, the other is a dire need of peace.” – Zayn Malik on Parenting
6. “Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.” – Jerry Seinfeld
7. “The babies are amazing… They begin each day all warm and sleepy, smelling of promise.” – Julia Roberts
8. “My child has turned not eating his dinner into an extreme sport.” – Simon Holland
9. “The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant – and let the air out of the tires.” – Dorothy Parker
10. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.” – Ed Asner
11. “You can learn many things from children. Like how much patience you have.” – Franklin P. Adams
12. “The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.” – Paul Reiser
13. “Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.” – Bill Cosby
14. “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way mom told you to in the beginning.” – Unknown
15. “You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” – Anonymous
16. “Parenting is a lot like a Tarantino film. Lots of questions and violent screaming.” – Anonymous
17. “I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children.” – Unknown
18. “Parents are teachers, guides, leaders, protectors, and providers for their children.” – Iyanla Vanzant, Parent Edition
19. “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Peggy O’Mara
20. “Having one child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.” – David Frost
21. “It’s unbelievable how much you don’t know about the game you’ve been playing all your life.” – Mickey Mantle, on Parenting
22. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
23. “The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids.” – Jill Bensley
24. “Having a child is liking getting a tattoo…on your face. You better be committed.” – Eat Pray Love
25. “Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.” – Robert Gallagher
