Get ready to laugh (and maybe cringe a little) at these list hilariously honest quotes about marriage! From famous comedians to philosophers, everyone has something witty to say about the joys and struggles of married life. Perfect for anyone who’s been married for a while, or anyone who appreciates a good dose of relationship humor. Don’t forget to like, comment with your favorite quote, and subscribe!
Video Hilarious Marriage Quotes That Will Make You Laugh!
Hilarious Marriage Quotes That Will Make You Laugh!
- “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
- “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.” – François de La Rochefoucauld
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner1
- “Marriage is a workshop… where husband works and wife shops.” – Unknown
- “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”2 – Helen Rowland
- “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie3
- “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” – Joey Adams
- “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin
- “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” – Eddie Cantor
- “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
- “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip
- “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”4 – Unknown
- “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Shirley MacLaine 19.5 “Marriage: If you want to be happy, love, forgive, forget, and ask no questions. If you want to be miserable, argue, compare, nag, and keep track of who did what.” – Unknown
- “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill
- “Husbands are like wine; they take a long time to mature.” – Donatella in Letters to Juliet
- “Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.” – Unknown
- “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
- “Love is blind; marriage is the eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
- “Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” – Ogden6 Nash
- “Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.” – Helen Rowland
So, there you have it – a collection of quotes that prove marriage is both the most wonderful and the most hilariously challenging thing we do. Which one hit closest to home for you? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and if you enjoyed this, be sure to give it a like and subscribe!
