The Funniest Presidents Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

Get ready for some laughs with these list hilarious quotes from U.S. presidents! Discover the wit, humor, and sometimes surprising perspectives of America’s leaders. Perfect for anyone who loves history, humor, or a good laugh.

Video The Funniest Presidents Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

The Funniest Presidents Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

1. I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting. —**Ronald Reagan**  
2. When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.’ —**Theodore Roosevelt**  
3. Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening. —**Bill Clinton**  
4. My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. —**Ronald Reagan**  
5. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? —**Abraham Lincoln**  
6. Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. —**Herbert Hoover**  
7. Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. —**Ronald Reagan**  
8. I have often wondered what would have happened if the president’s dog had bitten Nancy. —**Lyndon B. Johnson**  
9. I would rather be right than be president. —**Henry Clay**  
10. When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property. —**Thomas Jefferson**  
11. I am not fit for this office and should never have been here. —**Warren G. Harding**  
12. There is nothing left to do but get drunk. —**Franklin Pierce**  
13. If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. —**Harry S. Truman**  
14. I know only two tunes: one of them is ‘Yankee Doodle,’ and the other isn’t. —**Ulysses S. Grant**  
15. We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles. —**Jimmy Carter**  
16. I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: ‘Dear Jack, Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.’ —**John F. Kennedy**  
17. When I take action, I’m not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. —**George W. Bush**  
18. It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? —**Ronald Reagan**  
19. What this country needs is a really good five-cent cigar. —**Thomas R. Marshall**  
20. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress. —**John Adams**  
21. I’ve noticed that everybody who is for abortion has already been born. —**Ronald Reagan**  
22. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. —**Abraham Lincoln**  
23. The United States has much to offer the third world war. —**Gerald Ford**  
24. I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself. —**Ronald Reagan**  
25. A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties. —**Harry S. Truman**  

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