Sharp, witty, and outrageously clever—these classic funny insults will make you laugh, think, and maybe flinch just a little! We’ve rounded up the most humorous and well-crafted quotes that prove intelligence and sarcasm go hand in hand. Perfect for viewers over 60 who still appreciate a great zinger. Watch, laugh, and share!
Video These Funny Insults Are So Sharp, They Should Come with a Warning Label!
These Funny Insults Are So Sharp, They Should Come with a Warning Label!
- “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
(Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)
- “While seeking revenge, dig two graves – one for yourself.”
(Douglas Horton, American Protestant clergyman, 1891-1968)
- “He had delusions of adequacy.”
Walter Kerr (American writer, 1913-1996)
- “I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.”
Albert Einstein (German-born theoretical physicist, 1879-1955)
- “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx (American film comedian, 1890-1977)
- “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark Twain (American writer, 1835-1910)
- “He has the kind of face only a mother could love, and she might be wavering.”
Rodney Dangerfield (American comedian, 1921-2004)
- “I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster seems to be dead.”
Anon
- “His conversation is like the soup at a second-rate boarding house – thin and watery.”
Oliver Herford (American humorist, 1863-1935)
- “If his IQ slips any lower, we’ll have to water him twice a day.”
Molly Ivins (American newspaper columnist, 1944-2007)
- “A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
Winston Churchill (British Conservative statesman, 1874-1965) about labour leader Clement Attlee
- “If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely you would be.”
Mark Twain (American writer, 1835-1910)
- “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
Jack E. Leonard (American comedian, 1910-73)
- “He can’t help it – he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”
Ann Richards (American politician, 1933-2006) about US president George W. Bush)
- “You, sir, are drunk.” “And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.”
Winston Churchill (British Conservative statesman, 1874-1965)
- “She ran the whole gamut of emotions from A to B.”
Dorothy Parker (American critic and satirist, 1893-1967) about actress Katharine Hepburn’s performance
- “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
Thomas Brackett Reed (American attorney politician, 1839-1902)
- “She’s got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her head whistles.”
Dolly Parton (American singer and songwriter, 1946-)
- “He is a man of great common sense and good taste – meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.”
George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)
- “Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.”
Mark Twain (American writer, 1835-1910)
- “If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
Dorothy Parker (American critic and humorist, 1893-1967)
- “I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you’re unarmed.”
Anon
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
Anon
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
Anon
- “Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.”
Anon
- “You’re so slow, even Internet Explorer tries to console you.”
Anon
- “I would love to insult you, but nature did a better job.”
Anon
- “Your mouth is running faster than your brain, isn’t it?”
Anon
- “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
Winston Churchill (British Conservative statesman, 1874-1965)
- “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
William Faulkner (American novelist, 1897-1962) American novelist Ernest Hemingway
